|3.||Goalie is not allowed to throw playing sphere forward (towards opposing net). They are permitted to use their stick or their feet to accomplish this objective.|
|4.||Even in fun, throwing a hockey stick is forbidden (people can trip and crack their skulls).|
|5.||Sticks must not be raised above the waist, and in the event that said event results in contact with the playing sphere, an apology must in sincerity be uttered for all to hear.|
|6.||Players must retreat towards their own net after the opposing goalie has frozen the playing sphere. Once the playing sphere is in play (see below), retreat can be replaced by attack.|
||"Tweet!" is called to
halt play when the playing sphere becomes enmeshed in the mesh.
False or premature tweeting is a serious offence.
|8.||a. If the playing
near parked or mobile vehicles, pursuit is to terminate.
b. Should the playing sphere lose its grip on the asphalt and become entangled in vegetation, mulch, or other un-paved surfaces not associated with rigorous play, pursuit is to terminate, and the individual positioned closest to the playing sphere will be permitted to retrieve the playing sphere without harassment from pursuers (BUT this is not permission to waste time surveying options).
||Following a goal, play
cannot resume until the tallying team has retreated to centre surface.
||When sides are even
numerically, as opposed to competitively, a goaltender, as is the case
for ice hockey, is not permitted, before or after the next comma, to
cross centre pavement. When sides are uneven numerically, the
disadvantaged team has the option of not fielding a goalie, and of not
gelding a feelie. As a courtesy, the surfeited team may be asked
to keep one player behind the centre surface.
||At 10 minutes before
the designated completion time of the match (typically 1 h 50 min after
start time), "Last goal!" is uttered in
sincerity for all to hear; tallier of said objective is declared victor
for the day, unless the next goal occurs too quickly as agreed upon by
participants (< 2 min after previous declaration), in which case
"Too soon!" is uttered in sincerity for all
to hear. Pursuant to this declaration, return to the place where
next goal rule is explained; repeat as needed (thrice appears to suit the aging nobility of the participants) but not more than
recommended daily allowance. Negotiable variants include "One
more!" and "Had enough?"
|12.||Don't be entrails.
|13.||The playing sphere is in
moment it rejoins the playing surface.
|14.||This "good luck" rule was
introduced so that we didn't have 13 rules.
|15.||You can't get cheese from a
chicken. This rule was suggested by the sous-executife.
||If a player, except a goalkeeper, closes their hand on the playing sphere, play shall be stopped and a verbal drubbing shall be imposed on that offensive offender. A player shall be permitted to catch the playing sphere out of the air but must immediately place it or knock it down to the playing surface. If the cheater catches it and runs with it, either to avoid a check or to gain a territorial advantage o'er their opponent, a verbal drubbing shall be assessed for "closing a cheater's hand on the sphere".|
|62.||This rule is temporarily revoked.|
|63.||No headshots are permitted until in the bar.|