| 1. | No slapshots. |
| 2. | No bodychecking. |
| 3. | Goalie is not allowed to throw ball forward (towards opposing net). They are permitted to use their stick or their feet to accomplish this objective. |
| 4. | Even in fun, throwing a hockey stick is forbidden (people can trip and crack their skulls). |
| 5. | Sticks must not be raised above the waist, and in the event that said event results in contact with the playing sphere, an apology must in sincerity be uttered for all to hear. |
| 6. | Players must retreat towards their own net after the opposing goalie has frozen the playing sphere. |
| 7. |
"Tweet!" is called to
halt play when the playing sphere becomes enmeshed in the mesh.
False or premature tweeting is a serious offence. |
| 8. | a. If the sphere
ventures
near parked or mobile vehicles, pursuit is to terminate. b. Should the sphere lose its grip on the asphalt and become entangled in vegetation, mulch, or other un-paved surfaces not associated with rigorous play, pursuit is to terminate, and the individual positioned closest to the sphere will be permitted to retrieve the sphere without harassment from pursuers (this is not permission to waste time surveying options). |
| 9. |
Following a goal, play
cannot resume until the tallying team has retreated to centre-pavement. |
| 10. |
When sides are even
numerically, as opposed to competitively, a goaltender, as is the case
for ice hockey, is not permitted, before or after the next comma, to
cross centre-pavement. When sides are uneven numerically, the
disadvantaged team has the option of not fielding a goalie, and of not
gelding a feelie. |
| 11. |
At 10 minutes before
the designated completion time of the match (typically 1 h 50 min after
start time), "Last goal!" is uttered in
sincerity for all to hear; tallier of said objective is declared victor
for the day, unless the next goal occurs too quickly as agreed upon by
participants (< 2 min after previous declaration), in which case
"Too soon!" is uttered in sincerity for all
to hear. Pursuant to this declaration, return to the place where
the
next goal rule is explained; repeat as needed but not more than
recommended daily allowance. Negotiable variants include "One
more!" and "Had enough?" |
| 12. | Don't be entrails. |
| 13. | The playing sphere is in
play the
moment it rejoins the playing surface. |
| 14. | This "good luck" rule was
introduced so that we didn't have 13 rules. |
| 15. | You can't get cheese from a
chicken. This rule was suggested by the sous-executife. |
| 59a. |
If a player, except a goalkeeper, closes their hand on the sphere, the play shall be stopped and a verbal drubbing shall be imposed on that offensive offender. A player shall be permitted to catch the sphere out of the air but must immediately place it or knock it down to the playing surface. If the cheater catches it and runs with it, either to avoid a check or to gain a territorial advantage o'er their opponent, a verbal drubbing shall be assessed for "closing a cheater's hand on the sphere". |
| 62. | A prohibition is currently in place on inviting people to play in the league, OTHER THAN MEMBERS OR AFFILIATES OF THE DEPARTMENT OF BIOLOGY. |
| 63. | No headshots are permitted until in the bar. |